Self-esteem must be the first love

El amor mas valioso es el propio

Last Saturday, November 25th, was the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and many media outlets had horrific videos about crimes committed by men in broad daylight without any legal repercussions.

Even though the subject of abuse against women is a hot topic in the media right now, due to the sexual harassment cases in Hollywood and Washington D.C., the root of the violence problem, in my view, continues to be ignored.

Domestic violence, like any other family habit, is passed on to its members by example. Children that are abused in their early childhood by a parent or a principal caregiver, have an increased risk of becoming perpetrators or recurring victims of abuse in their adult lives, because they grow up with the wounds in silence.

In September of 2015, the Journal of the American Medical Association published the results of a study titled “Prevalence of Domestic Violence Among Trauma Patients.” The data analyzed from 2007 to 2012 was collected and maintained by the National Trauma Data Bank from the main sources: emergency rooms around the United States.

Out of the 16,575 trauma patients who experienced domestic violence 10, 224 (61.7%) were children, 5,503 (33.2%) were adults, and 848 (5.1%) were elderly patients. The most common injuries were direct hits on the head (46.8%) and extremity fractures (31.2%). However, the most troubling data are as follow: out of the 10 ,224 children, 7,056 (69.0%) were infants, 6,134 (60.0%) were male, and the average age was 3.5 years.

According to the World Health Organization, a quarter of the world’s adult population report having been physically abused as children. Moreover, one in five women and one in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child.

Now, although it is true that a vast majority of so-called “men” cover their cowardice with the bandages of the wounds they inflict on their female partners and children, some feminist groups are on a crusade to categorize all men as irrational beasts, violent by nature, and completely incapable of respecting women.

I am sorry, but the memory of my late grandfather, my husband, uncles, cousins, friends, and already my son, contradict that crude generalization, as they are true examples of what a gentleman is.

In conclusion, gender violence will continue to spin out of control in an endless whirlpool as long as children are physically attacked as infants and in early childhood under current complicit lax legislation and social acceptance.

Social programs shouldn’t simply concentrate on managing the problem, which cost billions of tax-payer money in healthcare services. They should target prevention, but most of all, rebuilding the victim’s self-steam after the abuse occurs. Victims need to be taught that their abuse is not their fault, and that just because it happened once, it does not have to happen twice.

As the popular wisdom says, we can’t love others until we love ourselves.

Thank you for reading and sharing.

Xiomara Spadafora

This column was sponsored by Zellner Insurance Agency. Many things in life don’t have insurance. For everything else call Zellner (888) 208-8119

2 Replies to “Self-esteem must be the first love”

  1. I am a 46 yr old woman who was never abused one day as a child or young woman. Married to the same man for 23 years, who never laid a hand on me in anger until a year ago. Stress, money issues, a failing business all played a part in tearing down both of us. We have both tried hard to recover. After that happened, I became someone else. There is the woman I was before and then there is me now. Self Esteem, you nailed it!

    Liked by 2 people

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