The War of the Beasts

Elephants Vs Donkeys 01 JPEG
If I could choose the mascots for the political parties, I would pick a couple of sloths, because in the end, they both move at the same speed.

The Election Season has officially begun and with it, the constant harassment from political candidates, regardless of party affiliation. Every time my home phone rings, I know that the caller is a campaign volunteer asking me for money and for my vote.

Last week, I decided to pick up the phone even though I tripped over one of my dogs and almost killed myself on the edge of the kitchen counter–my pups always stand by my feet while I serve their dinner.

The caller was a young man who immediately started reciting a political script after I said, “Hello?” Before he could continue with his rhetoric, I stopped him in his tracks and told him, “You can count on my vote, but I don’t give money to politicians. Capisce?

I know that he was surprised with my answer, because it took him a couple of seconds to figure out which line to use next as a rebuttal to my statement. He tried a second time, telling me that the “contribution options” ranged from $125.00 to as low as $5.00

Then I thought to myself, “These people have no dignity. The Boy and Girl Scouts get more money with their cookies!” I have fallen for the expensive, dry confections before. Finally, he got my implied message “I am cheap and I hate politicians,” and simply said, “Thank you for your support,” so we hung up the phone.

As much as I may have liked any candidate in the past, I have never been motivated to give money to a campaign. Why? Because I am not a masochist. I know that if I fall in the trap and give them my hard-earned dollars, they will use that money to annoy me to psychotic proportions. Nevertheless—whether I contribute or not—I am already feeling the effects of the political super storm of Florida’s vote in mid-March.

The first effect is that my mailbox is already stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey with cheap paper propaganda that cuts and infects my fingers when I open the super glued envelopes. These guys kill more trees than any type of global warming!

Second, because I am a cable news junkie, I am already hypnotized by the “expert” opinions of supposedly political “strategists,” who repeat, night after night, the same polls conducted by some interns who use Sesame Street methodology.

I am yet to know what the job description of a Republican or Democrat strategist is. If I go by what they say and look like, it probably reads: “Any female or male who follows the news, has a bright smile and good hair, and writes a blog.” Hey wait a minute… I could be one of them!

But the worst of the electoral process, is the destructive TV and radio ads that will start bombarding us non-stop when the war gets hot and bloody between the favorite candidates. Every dirty secret will be exposed: drug or alcohol abuse, extra marital affairs, embezzlement, sexual harassment, discrimination, tips unpaid at restaurants, censored selfies, and even bad feet odor will come out to the light. It is like watching a poorly written soap opera.

At the end of the day, after all the scandals have been broadcast, we the voters will have to choose the least worst of a list of “recalled” defective candidates.

I haven’t decided who will get my vote. All I know for sure is that my vote won’t go to any of the dynasties of decadent power. I will vote for who seems the less of a liar and can chew gum and walk at the same time.

Thanks for reading and sharing.

Xiomara Spadafora

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