Suspicious Cheer

December Cheer
I wish there were rehab centers for my chocolate addiction.

The Holiday Season has arrived and along with it, the extra pounds. I am sure that I will curse them a thousand times when I try to squeeze into my pants in January; it will be like packing an overstuffed suitcase.

Our office meeting room is already filled with boxes of multiple treats, all smothered in chocolate. I am afraid I will end up in the ER after ingesting a pencil or a whole puncher because they were covered in chocolate as well!

I can honestly say that I never think about giving candy or chocolate to people, unless is for an enemy–nothing amuses me more than the thought of people I dislike riding a supermarket scooter wearing a muu muu.

Therefore, I am always suspicious of the “sweet” presents, and this is why. I had a “frenemy” a few years back when I was still single. We used to go out a lot and even had friends in common. She was always dieting and keeping an eye on her weight, while I ate like a teenager–actually I still do! We used to complain about those belly rolls that refused to leave our bodies except through a knife–I mean plastic surgery, relax!.

I supported her as much as I could, but I never really made it my purpose in life to become a skinny twig. Suddenly, things changed. Out the blue, she was possessed by the spirit of Martha Stewart and started baking every week.

She would show up at my apartment with trays of cupcakes and cookies, because, according to her, “I just felt like cooking today!” I fell for it like a dog and ate the goods without a second thought. Then, it became obvious that she wanted me to blow up like a hot air balloon.

I think her biggest problem was that she was very controlling and saw me as her “pet” who would follow every step she took. But, when she realized that I was not following her lead, and continued to be happy in my body, she went Commando and started a “Turkey Stuffing” mission. Needless to say, we broke apart.

Now, going back to the office gifts, I am sure that none of the companies that send them has that mischievous intention. But come on! I appreciate the fact that vendors and business partners want to say thank you for the business throughout the year, but, haven’t they heard about the epidemic called Diabetes? Is it too much to ask to send a basket of fruit?

According to the 2014 stats from the CDC, (Centers for Disease Control), there are more than 29 million people diagnosed with Diabetes in America. Every month, there are new commercials running on TV advertising drugs to control high sugar levels–with their ridiculous list of side effects that make me wonder, why would people take them if they could die from them?

My husband jokes about these commercials and created his own warning sign: “If your throat swells, if you start thinking like the opposite sex, if feces flies out of you suddenly, if you have the urge to urinate on yourself or people nearby, or if you die on the spot, please call your doctor immediately, even if you are dead.

Eating healthy is a difficult task, period. And it is harder when I am in my office. My brain gets tired and it craves “crap.” It is only 10 a.m. and I already have assaulted the treats in the meeting room twice. I ate three chocolate covered-pretzels and five chocolate-covered cherries–they are fruit after all , aren’t they?

Thank God December goes fast, otherwise, I will be the one riding the supermarket scooter wearing a Rudolf Muu Muu, hopefully the Deluxe version with Satellite.

Thanks for reading and sharing.

Xiomara Spadafora

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